xix
by Little.Latina
Summary: He's got the feeling he is still waiting for his wife.


**i.**

Jim Halpert is a salesman at a local paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania. He is desk-mate with Dwight Kurt Schrute, a weird guy who wears funny glasses and owns a beet farm. Dwight is a salesman, too, but he's also (self-proclaimed) assistant regional manager.

Jim and the receptionist, Pam Beesly, are best friends. They spend a lot of their time at Dunder Mifflin pulling pranks on Dwight, or planning pranks that are either too dangerous or too crazy to actually pull on him– or anyone for that matter– but are fun to plan anyway.

Dwight likes to tell the cameras his best friend is their boss, Michael Scott.

(Michael likes to tell the cameras his best friend is Ryan the temp, and he doesn't really like Dwight that much– but that's a whole different chapter of this story).

Aside from Michael, Dwight doesn't get along with the rest of the employees at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.

Jim and Dwight have little in common. They both work at the same company. They both sell paper and office supplies to local businesses. But those would seem to be the only things that could link those two men together. Their taste in music, movies and TV shows is far from similar. Their manners, their beliefs, their aspirations, their expectations about life, their visions… they share none of those. The only thing they share is their jobs as salesmen, Monday through Friday from 9 am to 5 pm.

(The cameramen know this statement isn't exactly true.

Jim and Dwight have something else in common–

_Something big_).

* * *

**ii.**

Pam Beesly works as a receptionist at the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. She is engaged to Roy, a guy that works in the warehouse. They've been together since high school, and he is the only serious boyfriend she's ever had. They're at the third year of a long engagement, but they still haven't decided when they're going to get married. Roy says he isn't really in a rush to set a date, since they're already living together.

Roy isn't perfect (no one is), but he is a hard working, good hearted man. Pam wishes he was easier to talk to, though. She wishes she could share with him more than a bed and bill payments. She wishes they could talk more about their days and the little things in them. But they don't. He thinks she is very chatty and that she talks nonsense most of the time– Pam knows that. He likes the quiet, so she tries not to be so chatty around him.

(He doesn't like the quiet so much when his brother and their friends go over to their house to watch the game).

Pam can't talk to Roy, so she talks to Jim instead. Jim is her best friend, and a good listener. He doesn't mind how chatty she is or how much nonsense comments she makes. It's good to have Jim to talk to. They've got a lot in common and they have lots of fun pulling pranks on Dwight. She is happy Jim is her best friend. She is happy knowing she's got someone like that in her life.

(She'd never say this to the cameras, but the time she spends with Jim is the best part of her day.

And her friendship with Jim is the best thing in her life).

* * *

**iii.**

Jim deems good a day when he makes Pam laugh.

(He loves Pam's laughter and how her whole face lights up when she smiles).

Dwight deems good a day when he makes Angela laugh.

(Her smile reminds him of everything that is good and right with the world).

They're not so different, after all.

(They're both head over heels in love with women they work with).

* * *

**iv**

Jim Halpert spends a lot of time standing by the reception, talking to the receptionist. He shouldn't do that. It's not appropriate, professional behavior. He should sit at his desk and do his job. The other salespeople don't walk up to the reception every twenty minutes, and neither should he.

It doesn't take a genius to know why Jim is so dedicated to his friendship with her: he has a crush on Pam. He has a crush on an engaged woman! And, judging by her choice not to stop him, she doesn't care that she is leading him on.

(One day she realizes Jim's feelings for Pam don't stop at a simple crush; he is desperately in love with her.

He looks at Pam the same way Dwight looks at her).

* * *

**v.**

In the Martin family, sex before marriage is considered a sin. A woman is expected to lose her virginity on her wedding night. By honoring this, she is proving her love for her husband, for her family, and for her God.

She fell in love with two men when she lived in Ohio.

She loved them both more than she thought she ever could or would.

But she loved her family and her God more and she didn't want to disappoint them.

She never slept with John Mark.

She never slept with John David either.

They were both very religious and they were saving themselves for marriage, too; they understood her reasons to say no to more than a chaste kiss on the lips.

(She loses her virginity to Dwight the night he tells her he wants to lose his virginity to her because she gives him feelings he never knew he could have.

It's a little bit awkward because they're both inexpert and clumsy, but it's magical and beautiful all the same.

Once it's over, he holds her lovingly and asks her to stay the night. Before she can say anything, he offers to drive her to church the next morning.

She falls asleep in his arms, feeling happier than ever.

Her family's been wrong all along: sharing physical intimacy with the man she adores doesn't make her a dishonor; neither does it mean she doesn't love and respect her God. It means she is human).

* * *

**vi.**

He laughs at Dwight's attempts to write his girlfriend a poem that includes words like 'sweet', 'petite', and 'hobbit'.

(He also envies him a little. How he wishes he had the courage to write a poem for Pam!).

* * *

**vii.**

One night, Roy gets home from the bar where he always gets together with his friends to watch the game, completely drunk. His head is killing him and he feels like shit, so he tries to make himself a cup of tea. But he is so drunk he drops Pam's teapot and it shatters to the ground.

The following morning, he doesn't understand why she is so upset when she finds the broken pieces he put away in the trash. It's just a teapot. She accuses him of drinking too much; she tells him he is never careful around her stuff. Before he storms out the house and goes to another bar to spend the Saturday drinking and watching sports on TV, he yells at her that she should have left the damn teapot at the office if she didn't trust him to be careful around her stuff.

(Roy has no idea what Jim's friendship means to her.

Jim's friendship is her whole world).

She takes the broken pieces out of the trash and tries to glue them back together, but it's damaged beyond repair. What once was a beautiful teapot ends back in the trash. She cries out of impotence and curses at an absence Roy that hasn't even properly apologized, and then she curses at herself for taking the teapot home with her for the weekend instead of leaving it at the office.

On Monday, she briefly mentions Jim the accident Roy had while trying to make some tea, leaving out some details she doesn't think are essential to the story.

That day at lunchtime, the young salesman drives to the store and gets the beautiful receptionist the exact same teapot. The smile on her face when he gives it to her it's so adorable he deems that whole week good.

(She has no idea how crazy in love Jim is with her.

She is Jim's whole world).

* * *

**viii.**

He wants to tell her he loves snuggling with her until they fall asleep after they make love. He sleeps a lot better when they huddle like two spoons, and he likes to think she does too. But he doesn't know how to put that into words.

(He's never been good with words. He spent almost three hours trying to write her a poem for Valentine's Day).

It doesn't take him long to notice she snores softly when she sleeps on her back.

(He doesn't mind the soft snores. They're barely audible. Actually, he thinks they're kind of cute).

He also notices her snores are even softer when she is resting on her side. So, since he doesn't have the courage to tell her he loves it when they spoon, he tells her it would be better if they always slept snuggled because her snoring seems to better when she sleeps in that position.

(She is so embarrassed by the fact he's heard her snore that her eyes fill with tears. It's not until he kisses her forehead and reassures her it's nothing to be embarrassed about that she realizes she isn't crying because she's embarrassed.

She's crying because she's overwhelmed with love.

Angela kisses Dwight's forehead and tells him she sleeps better when they snuggle, too).

* * *

**ix.**

Pam envies her a little.

She wishes Roy looked at her the same way Dwight looks at Angela.

(When is she going to realize Jim looks at her the same way Dwight looks at Angela?)

* * *

**x.**

Does she have to plan her wedding on office time? Shouldn't she do that at home?

(Can't she see it's killing him?)

* * *

**xi.**

It's a dull day, and he is bored. Pam's called in sick and Ryan is covering the phones. (Without her there, he is worried no one is going to revive him if he dies of boredom).

He settles to ask Dwight annoying questions about this girlfriend he says he's got.

He asks her how he worked up the courage to tell her he liked her.

Dwight tells him he just needed her to know. Once.

(Jim needs Pam to know, too. He just needs her to know. Once).

* * *

**xii.**

He dreams of her on a wedding dress, walking down a small church's aisle.

It pains him how beautiful she looks. In a couple of months she will become someone else's wife, and that pains him too. He's never been so in love with a woman in all of his life, and it pains him that this woman he loves so much is in love with someone else. It pains him to know they can't be more than best friends. It pains him to cry himself to sleep every single night.

(He dreams of her on a wedding dress _every single night_, and that pains him too).

He feels he is about to lose his mind, and that pains him more than anything.

(_Everything_ pains him).

Lately, he knows nothing but pain. And he doesn't know how to escape that pain. He doesn't have a clue what to do or where to go or how to deal with this.

* * *

**xiii.**

Jan tells her there's always a million reasons _not_ to do something.

Roy tells her there's no guarantee the training program in graphic design in New York is going to lead to anything.

Jim tells her she's got to take a chance on something sometime. He also asks her if she wants to be a receptionist in Dunder Mifflin, _always_.

(If she weren't so mad at him, she'd tell him her job is one of the things she loves the most in her life, because she gets to share her days with him).

She tells Jan she'd give her a call about the training program.

(Pam knows she won't be calling Jan about it.

Jan senses she won't be getting a call from Pam to discuss the training program).

She tells Roy he's right.

(She doesn't seem a point in fighting him over this).

She tells Jim she is fine with her choices.

(She isn't).

She tells the camera the thing about the terrace is just a dream, something she once read in a book, and that it'd be impractical, so she is never going to get a house like that– besides, she isn't even sure they make houses like that in Scranton.

(She isn't going anywhere anytime soon).

* * *

**xiv.**

Dwight's words keep echoing inside his head.

He said he told his girlfriend he liked her because he needed her to know. Once.

He is head over heels in love with Pam.

And he needs her to know too before he leaves Scranton forever.

(He needs her to know just once).

* * *

**xv.**

He never smiles if he can help it.

(Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates).

He doesn't like it when someone smiles at him.

(When someone smiles at him, all he sees is a chimpanzee begging for its life).

Angela's smile is the exception to the rule.

(She looks like a cute monkey when she smiles).

She knows how much he loves her smile.

(He hasn't told her this, but he deems good a day if he can make her smile).

* * *

**xvi.**

She's been having the same weird dream, night after night.

She dreams of her wedding day.

She dreams she's got her beautiful wedding dress on.

She dreams she's got her hair up, and her face is framed by a few loose curls.

She dreams all her friends and family are there.

She dreams her father walks her down the aisle.

She dreams everything is perfect.

She dreams her wedding day is the happiest day of her life.

(There's only one problem: in his dreams, Roy isn't the man she is marrying– it's Jim).

* * *

**xvii.**

He is sure he is going to die without her.

But he's also sure he is going to die if he has to stay and watch her marry someone else.

He really needs to let her go.

(It's going to be the death of him, he knows, because he'll never be able to let her go).

* * *

**xviii.**

When she was young and living in Ohio, she fell in love with a man named John Mark. They dated for a couple of months before she realized she also had feelings for someone else. His name was John David, and he was in love with her too.

She never meant to hurt anyone. Seeing them get hurt was the last thing she wanted. They were both good guys and she was in love with the two of them. She was twenty years old. She didn't know what to do; she was very scared and confused, and she also was naïve to a fault. She told John Mark she needed some time to herself and that she thought it'd be good if they saw other people, and then she went with John David on a couple of dates. She had such low self-esteem at the time she believed they both deserved someone better than her, so she drove the two of them away. They didn't really understand she was leaving them because she didn't think she'd make them happy; they thought she had trouble choosing one of them, so they decided to battle for her affection.

She loved them both, she really did, but she didn't want to be involved in such a scandal. She didn't want them to be involved in such a scandal, either. What would her family think? What would the people at church think? What would her God think?

She wasn't a trophy to be won. She was a human being with feelings. She was a human being with a heart

She couldn't take it, so she left John Mark, she left John David, she left Ohio, and she moved to Pennsylvania. It destroyed her, it was the worst year of her life, it left her shattered, but it was something she needed to do. She couldn't take it any longer, she had to leave.

(She is glad she did.

Otherwise, she wouldn't have met Dwight).

* * *

**xix.**

He keeps a photo of him and Pam in his desk drawer. It is neatly folded and hidden inside an envelope. It was taken in the parking lot at Chili's the night she won the Dundie for "Whitest Sneakers". She was smiling like crazy, and over the moon with happiness and relief because Michael hadn't humiliated her in front of everyone by giving her the 'World's Longest Engagement' award, and beautiful, and a little bit drunk. She was perfect.

The camera catches him looking at it one night when he is alone at the office.

(He is trying to decide whether or not he'll take it to Stamford with him).

Pam only wants to be friends with him. But he wants more. He's always wanted more.

(He told her he loved her. He just needed her to know. Once).

He loves her, but she is going to marry someone else anyway.

He is leaving Scranton because the thought of her being another man's wife is too much to handle. He is hoping his moving to another city will give him a chance to start over– he is a good guy and he deserves to be happy and loved. Holding onto things that will surely remind him of her will only weight him down. He must d dispose of that photo– he must let her go.

(He can't do it. He'll keep the picture and take it to Stamford with him. He knows it's a stupid thing to do, but he also knows he'll never be able to really let her go. His father told him his heart will mend when he learns to love again– Jim had nodded his head yes and said nothing. His heart is broken, alright, but he isn't taking it to Stamford with him– his heart's staying at Scranton. His heart is Pam's. She is the love of his life. She'll always be the woman of his dreams. He'll never get over her, there's no denying. But he's got to at least try, even if he is certain he'll fail.

For some reason, even at his worst, he's got the feeling it's not over.

He's got the feeling he is still waiting for his wife).


End file.
